Ethan Kind

In warming up I've written about doing a physical inventory to release excess physical tension, but here I'd like to address the mind, since it is the cause of all physical tension. I don't want to talk about moods here but about what you tell yourself about yourself, even as you think of playing the instrument. After years of playing, it finally dawned on me that as I approached the guitar, it was always with fear, because I could only feel good about myself if I played really well. Given this, there was no way I was going to do the minimum on the instrument because of my fear.

Close your eyes and think of practicing for the next three hours. What comes up? Are you looking forward to it? Do you dread it, because it sounds like a lot of time in one session, or do you fear it may not be "productive" ? Are you excited about getting to your instrument? You would be, if you knew how much fun it would be to make music or to learn a new piece without your self-esteem tied to playing well.

In the Alexander Technique as a student learns to change the physical habits that don't serve, what really becomes apparent to the musician is how much she has been hurting. For so many musicians who have been playing for years, they simply haven't been consciously aware of how much pain they have pushed aside to get the job done. They are so goal oriented, that they do not know they are hurting, until they are in intolerable pain. This is usually a physical pain, but what if the physical pain, which is a real strain on or injury to the body, is a body signal for how ruthlessly the performer has pursued her career. The musician then has a real chance to back up and reevaluate her approach to the instrument physically and psychologically, as she replaces her technique with a technique and thoughts that doesn't sacrifice the body.

What does playing an instrument with love look like? It is a steady loving state of how you feel about what your goal is, and how you are going about it. Clearly there are performers out there that play wonderfully and with what looks like great joy and love. What I'm wondering, is did they get to this point with loving means? I've watched music competitions on television and couldn't watch for long, because I could feel how driven the performers were, knowing that their careers as concert artists rode in the balance. In so many of the performances, I was watching pure goal driven performance with a person's future happiness based on winning, not on how lovingly they played or on giving the music as a gift to the audience and the judges. A similar situation is when I work with college students practicing for their end of semester juries for their grades on their instruments. When I ask them to play for the teachers only as a gift, they hear me, but usually don't believe this is possible.

I recently heard a cellist in a workshop I gave on the Alexander Technique, and she was a wonderful player. She was incredibly musical, expressive and passionate. I love passionate! Anyway, it was apparent to me how intensely she drove herself on the instrument, and how critical she was of her playing by her facial expressions, and I asked her to play trusting her hands to hit the mark and to play the music as a gift to the audience. You would have thought I had asked her to do something disgustingly awful. She couldn't do it. I've thought a lot about this since, because it is one of the few times I couldn't help a performer do something that was loving.

I now realize how much I threatened this young woman by what I was asking her to do. She had become really good by driving herself mercilessly, and since she didn't have any major aches or pains, she was willing to live with near total dissatisfaction in her playing. She was unwilling to change as long as she didn't hurt too much physically, denied how painful never being satisfied with her playing was emotionally, and as long as others kept telling her how good she was. I've thought about this in terms of the sports world, because it is so obvious that an athlete will do things to his body that will cause it to breakdown to win, because the public admires him for this. It seems a great many classical musicians are willing to do the same. Why?

It is all they have ever known. This cannot be underestimated. How we learned, especially from a very early age may not be accessible, if we've been molded by unloving means to become exceptionally good on an instrument. A driven performer simply may not want to know how they got to where they are, no matter how harsh the means, if it has worked and still seems to be working. Usually only when it stops working (physical pain) is the performer open to change.

When an Alexander Technique teacher shows a musician a way to play his instrument pain-free and with considerably less effort, usually the student is willing to make the changes, if he is wants to be the best possible performer he can be bad enough. The question is, are you willing to let go of learning without a threat over your head? I show students how to do this, and most of them are willing. What I ask the musician to be aware of, is first not to minimize the effects of using attack thoughts to get what they want out of themselves. You will probably get into physical trouble on an instrument , if you continue to be tough on yourself, no matter how good your technique and posture.

Trust is at the heart of the whole negative reinforcement problem, physically and psychologically. If you will trust hands, your throat or your legs to be accurate, and if you will trust that you innately want to be the best you can be, then you can play with love.